so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
