Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
