the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
