can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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