I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
