Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
