Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
