I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
