I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
