I'm eating all of the evidence.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
