I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
