Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
