my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
