I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
