Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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