theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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