sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
