I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
