You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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