he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
