May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
