Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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