You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
