i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
