I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
