My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
