the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
