Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
