It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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