i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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