...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize