This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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