I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
