im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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