My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
