I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
