Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
