If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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