i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
