Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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