she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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