That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
