I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
