It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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