rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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