God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
