then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
