She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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