Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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