She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i drank out of a bidet.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
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