Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
