After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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