WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
