he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
false alarm. still invincible.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You're breaking my sexual little heart
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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