if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
