her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
