That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
