I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
