i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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