then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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