You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I would fuck him just for his dog
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
