I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
