She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
