Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
