That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
