Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
