hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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