Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
