i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
