I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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