is your mom at the bar?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
