just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
